Cold, Cold Water
by itslikenature
Summary: And so I found my refuge, my salvation, and my new life that day, the day the cold, cold water surrounded me.


The weeks and months have faded together like parchment that was once pretty and neatly decorated with watercolors and it's been left out in the rain. They've dripped, and run, and mingled together until I....I don't know which day it is anymore. It doesn't matter though, none of it matters today.

Rocks cold and hard under my feet, don't seem to bother me, I notice them, I know they're there, but I don't feel the pain of them pressing deep into my flesh. The exhaustion that I feel from the constant struggle to ramble forward in the charade that I call my life, has finally overtaken me, consumed me, until there's nothing left except one final step.

Tilting my head back, I feel the wind wipe its fingers across my face and I hear it laughing at me, taunting me.

"_You have nothing,"_ it says, and I don't argue, I just stand there as it mocks me and I taste the salt it has laid upon my lips.

It's strange that I'm not afraid now. Too many nights of waking in fear, sweat, and tears, have cured me of feeling fear or really any emotion for that matter.

Roaring like a hungry beast below me, the sea slams and churns against the cliff's face as if eager and ready to devour me. And I smile to myself knowing I'm going to give it what it wants.

I don't jump, or run, I just step off the cliff's edge, hoping the wind will sweep me away and carry me to a place of refuge. I stepped, hoping to be freed from this prison that binds me. Not a prison of four gray walls and steel bars but a prison of loss, heartbreak, and broken dreams.

But the wind betrays me, it doesn't lift me or sweep me away, it just presses me down, hard and fast toward the hungry beast. The roar gets louder and louder as I approach its white foamy lips. Then it dawns on me. I feel free. I finally feel free and weightless. There's no longer a force tearing at my insides, my chest, my middle, and for that moment spiraling there in the mocking wind, I feel free.

The beast roars turgidly in my ears and I'm deafened by it's sound, then it licks up the lengths of my legs and begins pulling me down, while the wind aids by pressing me into the beasts foaming waiting lips.

Cold, cold water surrounds me now, and again I feel free and weightless, as I'm tossed to and fro.

"You have me now," my lips speak, only to let the beast invade my mouth, my nostrils, and ears as I go down, down, down, into its depths.

My lungs begin to burn and all I see, feel, hear, taste, and smell, is the cold, cold water that surrounds me. But........I'm.......free.

Lord, can you hear me now? Or am I lost? I think as I began to fade into the darkness.

I don't struggle, there's no use, what will be will be, and I will be remembered for who I was, long before_ he_ broke me.

Lord, can you hear me now? Or am I lost, is it too late for me? This is my last thought, as I succumb to the cold, cold water of the beast.

My back hurts, I feel the pain, but I'm not supposed to. Hard and firm against me, I feel something mooring me against it and I feel the heat in the cold, cold water that surrounds me. Grabbing, pulling and knocking all at the same time, the heat struggles with the beast for my release.

Let me go! Let me go! I think I'm screaming, I'm too tired to fight anymore, I just want to sink into the abyss of the cold, cold water and remain there forever. There's nothing left for me in the world above.

"Bella! Don't do this! Don't do this to me! Bella, don't.....you.....leave.....me," the heat screams in a voice of many emotions.

My throat burns, my lungs are void of the wicked wind that mocked me, and I'm trapped in a state of semi awareness. But the heat is important. I need the heat to survive. Survive? But, I thought I had given up?

Now I'm clutching at the heat, at his hand, and I can't let go. I'm searching for more of him and as I feel my way the heat intensifies bringing me back to life, ripping me from the beast's grasp and that's what I want. I want to hold his hand, cling to his hand, for that is all I have.

"Bella. Bella, can you hear me?" I hear him scream, as we lay, wet, tired, and cold on the course sand beneath our bodies.

Hot, salty tears drip onto my cheeks and lips from somewhere above me and I want to drink them up, to be filled with them, because they are my life, my sustenance. I need them, I need him, I want him, I will survive for him.

"Bella. Bells, don't leave me," he sobs onto my cheek, into my hair. And I press my lips to his skin, the heat, that saved me.

"Jake," I try to speak, but it's just a scratching sound.

But he knows, he hears, he comes closer still, to find my voice.

"Jake, I'm sorry," I finally manage to whisper and it burns in my throat, but I don't care. I have to tell him now, before it's too late.

"I....love.....you. _My Jacob._"

Finally, our lips find each other and they are strangers no more. And I'm grasping his hand, holding it close to my chest and I can't let go.

"I can't let go of your hand. I'll never let go of your hand Jake. I'll never let you go."

And so I found my refuge, my salvation, and my new life that day, the day the cold, cold water surrounded me.

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This oneshot was written in response to a friend's prompt at a community I write in. I chose the song Cold Water by Damien Rice. It's a lovely, haunting tune that inspired me to write this story. Thanks to kailorien for the motivation. If you've not listened to this song, I recommend that you do.


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